My own hospital birth and home birth experience

I’m a proud mama of two beautiful and healthy daughters. My first, Mila, is now almost two years old. She was born in a public hospital here in Portugal, and my second daughter, Lou, was born at our home in Portugal — a deep wish I carried with me, since I was born at home in the Netherlands, where home birth is such a natural part of life.

Mila’s Hospital Birth

Early on in my pregnancy with Mila, we discovered that there was compressed blood flow from my arteries to the umbilical cord, which made the pregnancy slightly higher risk. While the idea of a home birth did cross my mind a lot, being a first-time mama, coupled with the risks and the fact that home births are very rare here and looked at as dangerous, I followed the path to a hospital birth.

At 38 weeks, I had a bit of an headache and a change in my blood pressure, we went to the hospital for an extra check. Because of a slow-down in Mila’s growth and a small leak in my bag of waters which left her with very little water, I was induced with inserted Pitocin gel. I remember the start of this induction well, I was alone (I had to stay overnight before induction) and the cervical checks, which happened alone in a room with a male nurse, were painful and not done with any care. I know I started to tense from that moment. I wish I would have had the courage to say no to them and wait for my partner to arrive, so at least I would have felt safer and more at ease. By the time contractions started to hit hard and fast, I was transferred to the birthing unit, with my partner — these contractions were intense, relentless, and quickly unbelievably unbearable. I was vomiting with nearly every contraction, and there was no space to relax or soften. The room felt cold, the bed hard, I was told I couldn’t eat, and the shower was in the hallway and only accessible if I went alone, without my partner.

After 12 hours of intense pain and only 3 cm of dilation, I finally gave in to a walking epidural. I had really wanted to go without it, as I tolerate pain quite well, but I was exhausted and couldn’t see another way to allow my body to relax enough to dilate. Also, with the little water left, there was a risk of infection and I didn’t want to risk an emergency c-section. While it was not nice at all to insert the epidural during heavy contractions, it did help me… Just two or three hours later, after kind of a snoozing nap in the middle of the night, I had progressed rapidly. I could feel Mila’s head literally descending within me. Looking back, I feel the epidural really helped me to dilate and handle the intense contractions of an induced birth.

Sometime after the epidural I started to almost faint and get unwell, the nurses realised my bladder was super full as I had forgotten to pee all this time. They quickly emptied my bladder with a catheter and I felt better again. When I could feel her head descending between my pelvic bones, I had the urge to go to the toilet to poop, they told me I could not poop… I was a bit confused whether or not I could start to push, it took a long time as it happened in the middle of the change in birth teams that morning.

Finally someone came to support us, she checked my perineum and told me she had never seen such a flexible perineum (thanks to my pelvic fysio Marta). I really liked her, she was young and encouraging me to push standing or however I liked. She said I was pushing in the right way. I had refused a top-up on the epidural because I wanted to feel the sensations as much as possible and feel when I needed to push. For a short time, I could move freely and push as I felt. But then the rest of the team came in, and an older doctor (I heard him impatiently ticking his ring against a metal counter table) kind of took over or wanted to assist the birth by her side. I was laying down as they were evaluating my pushing technique, and trying to push her out. Her head kept slipping back up, which in hindsight makes so much sense — it’s so much harder to push effectively lying flat. Eventually, they used a vacuum to help her head coming down, putting the vacuum in was not easy but then it helped for her not to slip back up and I was able to push her out myself.

The whole team was encouraging me and the room was fullll, one of the nurses kept on asking me if I wanted a top up of epidural but I just fully ignored her.

She was immediately laid upon my chest and had her eyes open to look at me.. I was so overwhelmed with love and that I had done it… They gave us the space to be together for over 1 hour before she was checked and weight. The doctor I liked cleaned me and checked since I they had to put the vacuum in using 4 hands to open, she had expected a lot of tearing, but no, thanks to my amazing pelvic fysio Marta (who is also a part of our retreats) I didn’t, just 1 little stitch. The doctor couldn’t believe it.

Mila was born at 11.11am, tiny — only 2.2 kg — as she had some stagnation in growth, but growing super well from the start and breastfeeding went good. She had some jaundice though (starting to look yellowish), so we stayed in the hospital together for five days, so they could monitor her well and give extra blue light. Those first days were overwhelming alone in the hospital with her, being a new mama, in a foreign country, with breasts that were so hard and needed so much care while feeding her every 2 hours. My partner was only allowed during visiting hours since it was a public hospital.

Even though I had gone into birth well-informed and with a clear idea of what I did and didn’t want, navigating that in the moment of birth itself was incredibly hard. As a foreigner, I didn’t want to be “difficult.” I just wanted to be safe — and not stand out. I only later understood the immense importance of a doula next to you to protect your wishes, whether it be home or in a hospital birth. My inspiration to create the Babymoon Retreats and prepare, inform and empower pregnant women started here…

Lou’s Home Birth

Just 10 months later I was pregnant with my second, a bit faster then we had planned. With my second pregnancy, I felt a deep wish to experience birth in the way I knew from home — from the Netherlands. My own mother gave birth to both me and my sister at home. It felt natural, empowered, and peaceful. I was planning to go back to the Netherlands to give birth there, but this was logistically not so easy.

This time, the pregnancy was low risk, because I started to take baby aspirin from the moment I found out I was pregnant, which made the blood flow to the placenta good. When I realised we would not make it back to the Netherlands for a home birth, I felt quite disappointed for having to go to a hospital again. I was already in my third trimester, but with encouragement from my incredible doula, Sara do Vale, I began exploring my options. We found two midwives me and my partner both trusted — they were calm, experienced, and worked in the emergency department of the local maternity hospital. They love, prefer and believe in the home birth scene though, that gave us, and especially my partner, that needed confidence.

From the moment I made the decision to give birth at home, I never looked back or doubted anything. I was genuinely looking forward to the birth to come. I knew I didn’t want to. be late cause they only perform home birth until week 42. So I continued with my acupuncture sessions, and from week 38 she started to slowly use the downward energy points and to allow my pelvis to open. I could really feel that after these last sessions her head was descending and there was a deep seated tension released from my pelvis. Contractions started slowly and gently just 3 days before my due date, this took two days. The day before giving birth I was still enjoying my time with Mila on the beach, as my partner was surfing because it was fathersday. That night, they became more regular and slightly stronger. I woke him up and he filled the birth pool that had been set up already in our living room for two weeks. I lighted candles, started music… Everything still felt so bearable — I could hardly believe I was in labor. Mila woke up and I still had to breastfeed her back to sleep, while having contractions..

By early morning, my doula and midwives arrived. Contractions slowed down a bit during the morning, when Mila was also awake as I got out of my bubble a bit. I even felt embarrassed, thinking I had called the team too early! But their words stayed with me: “It doesn’t matter how long it takes, we’re here for you, whether it be 1 day or 3 days, we ain’t going nowhere.” It was the most reassuring thing I could have heard.

When my sister-in-law took Mila (she was 1,5 year at the time) out for the day, I was finally able to fully let go. I could talk, laugh, eat, and breathe through the contractions — it was peaceful and empowering. My partner made delicious snacks and I was enjoying them with my coconut water. I felt like going outside for a little walk over the cliffs as it was a sunny day. Arriving at the cliffs, we only made it 20 meters before things picked up quickly. Back at home, the midwife checked very softly and gently and told me I was already 6 cm dilated— and she could feel the baby’s head through the bag of waters. I was stunned — how could I be this far along with so little pain?

I entered the pool only then.. when the pain began to overtake it, in the pool I fully dropped into my bubble. The warm water, the music, the quiet — it was magical. When I got out to use the toilet, I threw up for the first time, as I could really feel the intensity of the contractions out of the comfort of the warm water — it was a familiar intensity that I recognised from my first birth. But this time, it felt loving and supported. Sara, my doula told me it’s a good sign, the vomiting, the diarrhea, emptying to make space for baby to come down. My doula was there, gently pouring warm water over my lower back during each contraction — the most soothing, perfect pain relief.

Only 40 minutes later, I felt the urge to push. I remember this pain of the pushing contractions to be as intense as the induced contractions that I had felt for so many hours with Mila. From this moment my partner entered the pool as well. The most pain I felt was more from the hemarroid that I had developed in the last part of my pregnancy. Our daughter Lou was born quickly, after maybe only 20 minutes of pushing. Her umbilical cord was wrapped too tightly around her neck and had to be cut directly, when only her little head was out. In the next contraction I pushed her out completely, and because of the direct cutting of the umbilical cord she didn’t breathe directly as she needed to learn this so quick instead of gently with the cord still attached. It took the team a minute of reanimation, which was scary, but I felt so held in the calm and confidence of my birth team. I never felt any panic, just deep trust. For my partner this was a bit more traumatising as he was in a different bubble than me giving birth.

After some time in the pool they transferred me to the sofa, so they could observe the bleeding. I started to feel a bit dizzy and I did bleed a bit more than they wanted, so I accepted a shot of oxytocin to help it stop. I was home, in my own space, with my partner and newborn baby. Everyone took such loving care of me. I felt safe, held, and respected every step of the way. Also it’s so different having your second baby, as there is much less insecurity about what and how you need to do things. After an hour or so, our other oldest daughter Mila came home to meet her little sister, the cutest moment, we decided to call her Lou, because Mila called her Lou from the moment she understood there was a baby in my belly. I was just so proud of myself for having trusted in my body and being able to give birth at home.

I needed no stitches and recovered so quickly after this birth. The midwife team came to visit 2 days later for a little check, and that was it.. No need to go to any doctor clinic, hospital, etc.

Reflections

Every birth is different. Every situation is different. What matters most I think is feeling safe, supported, and empowered in the choices you make. It helps to make a birth plan so you start to investigate all the options there are and what speaks to you most, while being open for a plan b, c, if needed. I could advice everyone to have a doula by their side, so you don’t have to put too much pressure on your partner to understand everything about giving birth and your wishes. A doula has seen so many births and can really make you feel protected and supported in the process of giving birth.

I’m grateful for both of my births — they each taught me something powerful. But having the opportunity to birth at home, surrounded by trust, love, and peace, gave me an experience I will treasure forever. Always open to talk with you about any of the above or your own birth wishes/stories. I hope these stories will reach the right women needing to empower and inform themselves about the choices they can make.